Heartbroken!

It feels like my heart is being shred to pieces. It's just a few weeks left til the most important, happiest day of my life. There is a lot going through my mind. Things that make me happy and sad. There is a lot going on right know in every aspect. I have things to plan, things to figure out. I have many worries about the wedding. Is everything going to be finished in time, am I going to afford the things I need, will the bridesmaids like the dresses, will they fit? Am I going to find shoes? A dress to my little flower girl? Find the right flowers for me? It's just so many things im thinking about. It's starting to stress me out, and it makes me break down over small things.

Like yesterday I didn't work, I called my work but the manager wasn't there so I couldn't talk to her about job. So I was home another day. Didn't really have anything do to, but I did laundry, did the dishes and such. Before my dad left work I called him to ask if he could buy some grocerys before he came home. He asked me what I had been doing all day since I hadn't done it myself. It's not like you were doing anything else, he said. I was like, what was this coming from. What did I do wrong, I only asked him if he could buy some food before he came home.
When mom came home of course she took daddys side. They accused me for having an attitude. For asking him to buy grocerys? WHAT? I was in shock. I couldn't hold back the tears anymore, they just spilled over and ran down my face. Ever since I came home from stockholm I had really tried to do my best and behave and such, try to prove to our parents that we really do things at home. I don't just lay around thinking about me, being selfish. But I guess my best wasn't good enough. I sometimes wished we had cameras put up around the house, so they could see the positive things we do, not just the negative.

These past weeks it has felt like my wedding is a burden for everyone involved. It really breaks my heart. Instead of being happy while planning it feels like everyone would rather do something else. When I talk to my parents about the wedding all they do is sigh about the costs and say I have an attitude and needs to grow up. Im happy they are willing to pay and help out, but it feels like they are doing it just because they have to, not because they want to. That makes me wanna tell them that don't pay, I will find my own way. I even told them that yesterday. I said to my mom that don't pay for the wedding, I will fix it myself, if I have to I'll get married in a plastic bag in the forest. You guys don't have to be apart of it, don't have to see it. It might have been a little harsh but I felt so hurt.
Being accused for having an attitude for wanting my dream wedding, trying to put my new life together I just didn't know what to do anymore.
I know my parents are working hard, they work full time, have 3 other kids at home to tend to also. But it's like this is once in a lifetime, can we try to make it special? I will be out of your house in just a few weeks! Please!

I miss my baby dreadfully, it so hard not having him here when im going through a hard time. The poor thing is really sick. He's coughing, his throat hurts and yesterday he felt naseus. He's been laying in bed for 2 days, feeling really bad. It's tough being sick while living with someone elses family. Today even though he's sick he had to take the train to Åsarp to have a weekend concert with he's family. I hope he feels better tomorrow and that he's going to be able to sing.
Can't wait to see you baby, has been almost a week now. Two more to go! Im handling a lot better know than when you were in America.
I love you so much honey!

Yesterday around 11 in the morning I got a newborn cousin, a beautiful babygirl. :) Her name is Ester. I hope I will meet you soon! All Love to you little angel!

Hope you all have a good weekend!
Love love love

Anna

I woke up this morning, feeling like this would be the worst day in a long time. Nothing particular was on the schedule. I wasn't going to work or anything else boring. But I almost wished I did. I just felt like sleeping through the entire day. I should proly tell you that I have my period and I think that crawled up on me. I was grumpy and irritated on everything. But after lunch I decided to pull myself together. I wasn't gonna let this ruin my day.
So after lunch i went out running/walking, cause exercise is good when you have your period.
Now afterwards I feel lots better, happier and more content. Don't want to go to bed anymore. Now I actually feel like staying up and see what this day will bring. ;)

Me and my sister has this thing we do, that whenever we feel like it we put on LOW - Flo rida and just shake it. Do all kinds of different dance moves, dorky ones, crazy ones and everything above. :) I love it, just to let loose and shake of whatever is bothering me at the moment. Plus we have a really good time doing it. Laughing and joking.
My other sister Sandra and I did that last night too. We watched Step up 2 and got in the mood of dancing. So we had the volume has high as we were aloud and danced around in her kitchen while doing dishes. Ha ha! A lot of fun!

I just found out through facebook that I have a new cousin. Yay! My aunt has finally got her baby! She's in her mid thirtys I think so it was about time she had one. :) It's going to be so fun to see her as a mom. I haven't really been able to picture it. Though she was one of the cutest pregnant women I've ever seen. She was just glowing. Hopefully that will be me too. There is actually a picture of me, looking like I was pregnant and it looked good so I'm pleased. :)

I think I am going to watch a movie now or something!
Oh crap my laundry is proly done!
Gotta run!

Love love love
Anna

A week of insecurity, happiness and love!

So I came home from Stockholm monday night at like 6, it was one boring, long and tiring trip. The morning I was leaving, my alarm went of at 5.30 but I refused to get up until 6. I just couldn't make myself I was so tired.

My uncle was driving the kids to daycare and after that going to work. So he volontered to drive me to the trainstation. I had to take the train in to Stockholm, cause they live in a suburb to Stockholm called Märsta. It's a very cute and comfy little town. Not to little but not big either.
The train in to Stockholm took about 40 minutes. After that I had to find my way to were I would get on the bus. I had about 30 minutes to find the bus I was going with. I found the spot were the bus we took up there stopped, so I thought that it would leave from there to. Just to be sure, I called Jonathan at 8.50 (the bus was leaving 9.00) to see if I was at the right place. He told me I wasn't, at that point my heart started beating so fast. There was only 10 more minutes til the bus was leaving and I didn't now were to go. I went in to the station terminal to ask someone were I was going. They said my bus went from gate 15 but i couldn't find it. When it was only minutes before my bus was leaving I asked them again. They said take the stairs up and you'll find it. Just after the clock passed nine with like one minute I found the bus and it was still there. Thank you God!

The first few days in Stockholm, wasn't like I pictured them to be. Jonathan knew everyone and everyone knew him. I felt alone, and missplaced. They were all very nice so it had nothing to do with that. I guess I just was a bit jealouse, and I still have a hard time seeing people cling to Jonathan. Sometimes I just want to scream, like let him go he's mine. Ha ha! No but seriously sometimes it's real bad. Im working on it though. In the beginning of this week it kinda turned me a bit bitter. I think it turned around for real on friday, cause thursday night I laid in my bed and prayed that God would help me. That I could see what Jonathan saw in this place. And that if it was Gods plan for us to be there, that I would at least enjoy the last few days. I still don't know if this is for real the place God wants us to be in. But I feel a great deal of peace about it.

The weekend was great I had a lot of fun on the youth meeting friday night, it was quite powerful and the youths are really passionated for God. :)

Saturday morning I woke up with my tummy hurting and I went to the bathroom. As soon as I sat down on the toilet I started sweating a lot. It ran of me like it was raining inside. I was on the verge of passing out. During the day I threw up once and then I felt totally okay. I don't think it was the stomach flu though.
Sunday morning I went to the service. It was GREAT! The worship was so strong and powerful, a really good band. The preacher was really good to, I really needed to hear his message.
After the meeting we had lunch with Jonathans Nanny, or she was when he was little. She's a wonderful woman. :)

This week has been a real blessing for me. I've met so many wonderful people that I really like and love.

Thank you everyone for making the past week a really fun one! Hope to see you all very soon again. I will see a few of you at the wedding.

Love love love
Anna

So like 2 months ago, I was at the doctors to take some blodsamples. He told me I was low on B12. Told me to take pills for it. I was okay, that won't bother me. I thought I would get a prescription send to me. I never got the prescription so I never thought more about it. Just a few weeks ago they wanted some more blodsamples. And so he asked if I had been taking the pills, and I told him that i never got a prescription, so no i haven't. Then he told me that they don't send prescriptions home any longer, they send it directly to the pharmacy. I was like, Oh that would have been a good thing to know about.
He wasn't very pleased that i hadn't taken the pills, cause now he couldn't run the tests that he wanted to. They took the samples and he told me that the next time I get a letter send home, I am to just go to the pharmacy and get the pills.
So today I got the letter and I was completly shocked. This is what the letter said;

Dear Anna,
You are still low on B12 and since the pills didn't have the effect we wanted , you are know to take injections 2 times a week for 4 weeks. Call the nurses to make a plan for when you can come in every week. And I scheduled a time for you to do the gastroskopie. ( He'd told me that I might have to do the gastroskopie, just so they can see the reason to why im low on B12. But that would be after we've tested the pills and the injections.)
So right know Im really confused, I mean i haven't even taken the pills, and I told him about that. And now im suppose to do injections and do the gastroskipe. WHAT? The doctor is gonna call me tomorrow cause he didn't have time today.

Hopefully everything works out. :)

I was on my way to the store today, walking, and I suddenly realized that im getting married in 2,5 months, and moving to another country in barely 3 months. It's Crazy! It's not like I haven't thought about it before but now it really hit me. I felt every emotional possible at the same time. I felt nervous, thinking about walking down the isle while everyones watching, and the saying the vows. Then Ifelt stressed out by everything that isn't done yet, some of the planning and such. But the feeling the beat them all was happiness and gratitude. I feel so lucky to be getting married to a wonderful godly man. :) I couldn't be more happy. Just last year I would never have thought this even exsisted. The Love between us is so strong and getting stronger. It has to be God who did this, everything is to perfect to have just happened by coinsidence.

I am very proud of my fiance, he's working so hard on loosing weight. And it's really paying of, he has already lost lots of weight. It's really starting to show, his clothes aren't as tight as they were before. He love taking walks now, which I am very happy about, cause I'm addicted to it. He has started to eat more healthy, as I am to. :) I'm just very proud that he is doing it. His been talking about doing it before, but know he really is. :)

The last few sentences I would like to dedicate to two of my favourite people, Nettan and Andreas. They are so incredibly cute together. I'm just so happy they finally found each other, in the nick of time. :) I wasn't that pleased about it in the beginning. I think the biggest reason why is that wanted to be the only one from my family connected to the Thulin Family in that way. You see Andreas is my unlce and Nettan is my fiance Jonathans sister. But as of know, im so very happy for them. :) Can't wait for us to do all kinds of things together in the future. Going on trips, having dinner partys and game nights :).
Love you guys so very much!

Baby I love you, can't wait to be your woman for real :). Thank you for always being there when I need to talk. I love you from the depths of my heart. That love will only grow stronger.

Now I need to go to bed, have to get up early to work tomorrow.

Be blessed!
Lots of Love!

Wow I've been so unbelievable tired today. I woke up this morning, not wanting to get out of bed. Just couldn't find the strength to do so. Even though I really had to cause I was going to work, if only for 3 hours. I felt drained in some way. Don't know why. I guess it's been a lot on my mind latley. It seems to get that way when you are planning the most important things for the wedding, working as much as you can at the same time it seems. It can easily stress you out, and it's not really helping that we are going be gone for a month, and when we come back it's only a month til the BIG DAY! Im sure it will be a lot of fun up there, it just kinda adds to the stress.
I don't know how im going to feel up there. I don't really know anyone, I've talked to a few of them, they are very nice. But still the entire youth group in the church we are going to, LOVE Jonathan and that bothers me sometimes. I know it's not from God to be jealous but I just can't help. It just creeps up sometime, and then that is the only thing im thinking about. I've been talking to Jonathan about it, and he always says, Baby you're the one I choose, just hold on to that, you're the one I love. And i'm really trying to do just that, but it's not always easy. But I'm doing my absolute best, cause he will always social, and if don't it's going to drive me bitter. That's something I really don't wanna become.

So to a more positive note, me and Jonathan talked to Ove yesterday. That is the pastor that is going to do our wedding ceremony. It was so much fun, I'm blessed that he wanted to do it. It was a really good talk we had. He said that he was up for anything that we wanted to do. It was GREAT! He said after all it's your wedding, the most important day of your lives. He's such an awesome man, he's funny and very humble. It's going to be a wonderful wedding, we are being very untraditional, which is very fun. Ove thought that was very fun too, that we didn't do exactly what everyone else is. :)
Having Ove to do it's gonna be such a blessing in more than one way. My uncle and his wife, two very important people in my life, is not going to be at our wedding. Which up to the day they left seemed so unreal, but then it dashed ( did i just make that word up?) down on me like a brick wall. Ove did their wedding, so having him do ours is like having a bit of them there. :)

When I lay in my bed an hour ago to read my book I started to think about all the little funny things Christian, my future nephew has said these past weeks. I will share a few of them with you guys. All of them made laugh out loud, he is one funny 3,5 year old.

*Christian was at our house a few days ago. Our dog came up and licked him on his arm i think. He looked at my mom and said; -The dog just licked me, that's quite annoying. (He sounded like an english boy)Everyone in the room bursted out laughing. :)

*Me and Christian were in my room, he said he wanted to climb up on me, by himself. He stood on a chair and put his arms around my neck. He pulled up my shirt and started climbing. I asked christian why he did that, he said Jonathan taught me that. (that really made me laugh). Then he continued, Jonathan taught me when him and me were young. HA HA!

* I lay on the couch and Christian stood up hovering over me. Then after awhile he said, i'm going to pull up your shirt now and look under it. I was like why? Because i like it.

Hope it brightend up your day as it did mine :)

Have a great one!

The Adventures of life

Finally we have som snow outside, it has been a green christmas, and New Year. So I'm happy we finally got some snow. It's so cozy sitting inside, looking out in the cold, snowy winterland. Tree covered in snow, smoke coming out of the chimneys. A wondeful time of the year, to be inside and snuggle up, with a good book, movie or great company of friends and family.
It's a blast to be outside too. Me and my nephew (to be) was out playing in the snow yesterday afternoon. We took the sled down the hill next to our house. It was a lot of fun. I love that kid, he's so cute and funny. He always has the funniest comments.
I'm happy I get to borrow him, and can return him to his parents when I'm tired. ha ha! It prepares me for the time when we will have kids on our own, except for the returning part.

Life is truly good right now, even though the most exciting things hasn't happened yet. But I'm very content with life at the moment. I have everything I need. I have found the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. Not everyone finds there significant other while they are still a teenager. To not talk about getting married while you are still a teenager.
So I feel very blessed.
It's very exciting, but yet a bit scary. It's a huge commitment to promise to spend the rest of your life with a person. But that is absolutley what I want. How could I not, he's the perfect guy for me.
I know we are going to have ups and downs in our marriage. But we have decided to do our best not fight about things that really isn't worth it. I believe that you don't have to fight about things. You just have to trust in each other and talk about things. See the real reason behind what the other one was doing, and not jump to conclusions that aren't true. It's probably easy to say, and not always so easy to apply it to real life. But I've promised myself that I will do my absolute best.

I'm looking forward to our life together, we have some exciting things cut out for us. We have amazing friends we can relay on in both countries. So excited for the adventures we will have.

Natural way of expressing myself

I'm happy i finally decided to start a blog. I've been thinking about it for awhile now. Writing as always been a natural way of expressing myself. If something has happend or i'm going through something, it's easier for me to write about it, than to talk about it. It's been that way since I was little. If I did something I shouldn't have done and my parents got upset with me, I always wrote a long letter to them, explaining how sorry I was.

The main reason I like writing more than talking about issues, is that I hate confrontations. I just can't handle them very good. I hate knowing a person got hurt by something I said or did. That's why I write, then I don't have to see the outcome of my behaviour. It's kind of selfish. But I guess it's away of protecting myself.
I'm getting better at handling confrontations though. My fiance is a very good communicater. He dislike when I won't talk about things. So he's forcing me to, which is very good, otherwise i would never do it. If I could decide I would just rather write him a letter. But I'm guessing our relationship would be that good then. It's important to talk about things.

Thank you Lori for giving me inspiration to start my own blog.
Thank you, Baby for pushing me to talk about things. I love you!