UGH!
I've had two rough nights now. I have not been able to fall asleep. So annoying! I just lay awake, thinking about lots of things, that really isn't worh thinking about at that hour. So yesterday I went downstairs again to watch some Tv, trying to get more tired and relax. Did it work? No absoluty not. Frickin!
There is just so many things on my mind right now. My husband is working A LOT, and isn't home that much right now. That kinda sucks. At least I work a little so im not alone all the time.
The part I hate the most is that when my husband do come home, he's extremly tired. Which is understandable after working a lot. But either he falls asleep right away infront of the Tv or in bed. I am one of those girls that like to cuddle before bed. My husband not so much but he's trying. We cuddle for a little while, then he's to tired and falls asleep and I lay awake doing absolutly nothing. That is a sucky feeling when your body is tired but you just can't fall asleep, and the having a person right next to you that falls asleep quicker then quick is unfair. I did cry yesterday too. Because i was tired, felt lonley and just really emotional. Well well. That seems to happen to me alot. Crying is just a good way for me to get it all out.

There is a lot going on these few months ahead. This weekend its services the entired weekend. Don't know if I can come yet, it all the depends on if they want to take more than one car.
Then Jonathan has his cd and cesars that he's working with. His doing a myspace for C and other things. On I think oct 1 my baby is leaving for the US. He'll be there for 5 weeks or something like that, might even be longer than that. :( I hope not, since im not going. It will be very hard to be home alone for that long. I don't know what im going to do. I hate sleeping alone, so I really hope i don't have to. I might force Marie to move in with me or sleep at my parents. I don't know yet.
When he's in the US is recording is Third album, Cesars first album. When he comes back he's going to have release concert everywhere. Which is exciting, but again busy and I will probably be home for most of them.

He did warn me before got married that being in a ministry and being a singer is hard work. I can see that. Being a wife of a singer in minstry is a lonely place. Its dawning on me more and more everyday. It's not like he isn't trying hard, cause he really is. But it's still really lonely going to bed alone.
I need to find some kind of substitute ( not a person) But something that I can do that will make me happier and less lonley. Something that I am passionated about. I just don't know what that could be. Lord, help me find something!

Ugh! I don't like my days right now. Its kinda depressing. This is a normal day for me:
I get up at like 10.00 thats when my alarm go off for the third time.
Then I go down, make breakfast, sit infront of the tv.
Go online, check my facebook, and all the blogs that im following.
Then I stay infront of the tv until like 1.30.
Then I take a shower, get dressed, do my make-up.
Go back to the Tv until i go to work around 15.45.

Sucky! It will have to change!

Im going to take a showwr now.
Have a Great Day!

Today is one of those days when I feel like I am the ugliest person alive on this earth. I don't see beauty at all looking at my face or my body. All I see is things I wish didn't exsist. My scalp is so so so so dry it falls of little pieces from my hair. It doesn't look very fresh. Looks like if I have dandruff even though I don't. I mean people always assume you have dandruff even though it's just dry, which is quite annoying.
Then I have zits on my entire forehead, they aren't huge or anything. They are just small pesty icky things. That I really do not want there. They are on my neck to, on my back and on my chest. Ick!! I think that's the most un attractive thing ever. To have zits anywhere is icky. I don't want to look like this at my wedding, Ugh! I have to stop eat anything that's unhealthy. Try to not eat any sugar. And have my hair up in a ponytail so the skin on my back don't get covered up, causing me to get more zits. Thank God I am having my hair down at the wedding.
You feel very unattractive with zits in places like your chest. They are not suppose to be there!!! I don't know what to do about them there. It's not like I can walk around with out a shirt or a bra.

Then there is the normal thing mos people think about one day or another. The little extra fat on you tummy or butt. On your hips or thighs. I am really gonna try my best to get rid of it. I want to looks nice at the wedding. I mean pictures and stuf will be saved forever.

Well well im am not gonna dwell on this any longer. Or perhaps a little longer. Then I have to do something about it.

Hugs!

A day in the snow!

Today it's a GREAT day! It's not raining, no gray cloudy sky, just snow snow snow everywhere. :)

David called me and asked if I could take care of Christian for a few hours so poor Racheal could get some sleep. The baby doesn't seem to mind staying in there for awhile. She is huge and can't really do much right now. And I had nothing planned today so I said yes of course I can. :)

We decided to go get Victoria from school. So Christian in the sled holding the dog and me pushing kiddo in the sled. It's kind of heavy. Even more so when he wanted to make snowballs at the same time as he held the dog. :) It took a little longer then expected but after 20 mintes we were at the school.
On the way home Victoria held the dog, which I had nothing against. But even the way home took longer, Christian wanted to do everything he's not suppose to. :)
When we finally arrived home, we decided to stay out and play in the snow. At first they took the sleds down the hill next to our house. :) It's a lot of fun. I use to do it as a kid, sometimes I still do it when Victoria wants to go out, or as now when kiddo is here. :)

Here they are sledding :)


After the sledding we decided to build a snow house :), It was me building it while they were playing somewhere else. But I didn't mind, it was actually fun. Reminded me of being a kid againg. I always build houses of snow and sat out there with my sisters or my brother. It's gonna be awhile until I get to do this with my own kids so I might as well be a bit childish now :). It turned out great even though I destroyed at first, but buildt it up again.

Victoria and Christian in the "snow house"

It was a lot fun being out in the snow, getting fresh air and being a child all over again. :)

Hope you all have a good day!

Lots of love.

Anna

My fav nephew!

Today I am babysitting my future nephew Christian. He's the funniest and cutest kid ever. We started of with playing soccer outside on the grass. Nope, there is no snow any longer. Kinda sad but I'm happy about it. That means spring is coming soon! YAY!
After the soccer we decided to bake. Kiddo wanted to make chocolate bolls. So me and him went to the store to get some butter, cocoa and pearlsugar. Then we got to it. The chocolate bolls were yummi.
Christian build a tower of some things he found on the shelf with games in the living room. When it fell down he first said, Oh man. Then he said, What the crap. And after another fall he said ah what the heck. Ha ha! Not a good word, but it sounded to funny. Kids are a lot of fun. Then he started to tickle me. He always starts of by pulling up my shirt. Ha ha I don't know why. I guess he's fascinated with his mom being pregnant and all. :)
He asked me the other day, when we talked about his babybrother that's coming and his future cousin. Anna are you having a baby? Ha ha, I was like yes but not yet.

I'm looking forward to that though, having my own kids. It's going to be great! I think I will be a good mom, I love kids, always have. Jonathan is going to be a great daddy too. :)

So the week ahead is going to be good. I have a few things planned. Tomorrow or someday this week we are going to talk to the people making the food for the wedding. Tuesday im going to take my 5.th injection, wednesday im talking to the girl making the flowers for my wedding. Hopefully this or next week i'll get the dresses for my bridesmaids. :) IM excited for that! :)

That's all I have for today! :)
Love love love

Anna

Heartbroken!

It feels like my heart is being shred to pieces. It's just a few weeks left til the most important, happiest day of my life. There is a lot going through my mind. Things that make me happy and sad. There is a lot going on right know in every aspect. I have things to plan, things to figure out. I have many worries about the wedding. Is everything going to be finished in time, am I going to afford the things I need, will the bridesmaids like the dresses, will they fit? Am I going to find shoes? A dress to my little flower girl? Find the right flowers for me? It's just so many things im thinking about. It's starting to stress me out, and it makes me break down over small things.

Like yesterday I didn't work, I called my work but the manager wasn't there so I couldn't talk to her about job. So I was home another day. Didn't really have anything do to, but I did laundry, did the dishes and such. Before my dad left work I called him to ask if he could buy some grocerys before he came home. He asked me what I had been doing all day since I hadn't done it myself. It's not like you were doing anything else, he said. I was like, what was this coming from. What did I do wrong, I only asked him if he could buy some food before he came home.
When mom came home of course she took daddys side. They accused me for having an attitude. For asking him to buy grocerys? WHAT? I was in shock. I couldn't hold back the tears anymore, they just spilled over and ran down my face. Ever since I came home from stockholm I had really tried to do my best and behave and such, try to prove to our parents that we really do things at home. I don't just lay around thinking about me, being selfish. But I guess my best wasn't good enough. I sometimes wished we had cameras put up around the house, so they could see the positive things we do, not just the negative.

These past weeks it has felt like my wedding is a burden for everyone involved. It really breaks my heart. Instead of being happy while planning it feels like everyone would rather do something else. When I talk to my parents about the wedding all they do is sigh about the costs and say I have an attitude and needs to grow up. Im happy they are willing to pay and help out, but it feels like they are doing it just because they have to, not because they want to. That makes me wanna tell them that don't pay, I will find my own way. I even told them that yesterday. I said to my mom that don't pay for the wedding, I will fix it myself, if I have to I'll get married in a plastic bag in the forest. You guys don't have to be apart of it, don't have to see it. It might have been a little harsh but I felt so hurt.
Being accused for having an attitude for wanting my dream wedding, trying to put my new life together I just didn't know what to do anymore.
I know my parents are working hard, they work full time, have 3 other kids at home to tend to also. But it's like this is once in a lifetime, can we try to make it special? I will be out of your house in just a few weeks! Please!

I miss my baby dreadfully, it so hard not having him here when im going through a hard time. The poor thing is really sick. He's coughing, his throat hurts and yesterday he felt naseus. He's been laying in bed for 2 days, feeling really bad. It's tough being sick while living with someone elses family. Today even though he's sick he had to take the train to Åsarp to have a weekend concert with he's family. I hope he feels better tomorrow and that he's going to be able to sing.
Can't wait to see you baby, has been almost a week now. Two more to go! Im handling a lot better know than when you were in America.
I love you so much honey!

Yesterday around 11 in the morning I got a newborn cousin, a beautiful babygirl. :) Her name is Ester. I hope I will meet you soon! All Love to you little angel!

Hope you all have a good weekend!
Love love love

Anna

I woke up this morning, feeling like this would be the worst day in a long time. Nothing particular was on the schedule. I wasn't going to work or anything else boring. But I almost wished I did. I just felt like sleeping through the entire day. I should proly tell you that I have my period and I think that crawled up on me. I was grumpy and irritated on everything. But after lunch I decided to pull myself together. I wasn't gonna let this ruin my day.
So after lunch i went out running/walking, cause exercise is good when you have your period.
Now afterwards I feel lots better, happier and more content. Don't want to go to bed anymore. Now I actually feel like staying up and see what this day will bring. ;)

Me and my sister has this thing we do, that whenever we feel like it we put on LOW - Flo rida and just shake it. Do all kinds of different dance moves, dorky ones, crazy ones and everything above. :) I love it, just to let loose and shake of whatever is bothering me at the moment. Plus we have a really good time doing it. Laughing and joking.
My other sister Sandra and I did that last night too. We watched Step up 2 and got in the mood of dancing. So we had the volume has high as we were aloud and danced around in her kitchen while doing dishes. Ha ha! A lot of fun!

I just found out through facebook that I have a new cousin. Yay! My aunt has finally got her baby! She's in her mid thirtys I think so it was about time she had one. :) It's going to be so fun to see her as a mom. I haven't really been able to picture it. Though she was one of the cutest pregnant women I've ever seen. She was just glowing. Hopefully that will be me too. There is actually a picture of me, looking like I was pregnant and it looked good so I'm pleased. :)

I think I am going to watch a movie now or something!
Oh crap my laundry is proly done!
Gotta run!

Love love love
Anna

A week of insecurity, happiness and love!

So I came home from Stockholm monday night at like 6, it was one boring, long and tiring trip. The morning I was leaving, my alarm went of at 5.30 but I refused to get up until 6. I just couldn't make myself I was so tired.

My uncle was driving the kids to daycare and after that going to work. So he volontered to drive me to the trainstation. I had to take the train in to Stockholm, cause they live in a suburb to Stockholm called Märsta. It's a very cute and comfy little town. Not to little but not big either.
The train in to Stockholm took about 40 minutes. After that I had to find my way to were I would get on the bus. I had about 30 minutes to find the bus I was going with. I found the spot were the bus we took up there stopped, so I thought that it would leave from there to. Just to be sure, I called Jonathan at 8.50 (the bus was leaving 9.00) to see if I was at the right place. He told me I wasn't, at that point my heart started beating so fast. There was only 10 more minutes til the bus was leaving and I didn't now were to go. I went in to the station terminal to ask someone were I was going. They said my bus went from gate 15 but i couldn't find it. When it was only minutes before my bus was leaving I asked them again. They said take the stairs up and you'll find it. Just after the clock passed nine with like one minute I found the bus and it was still there. Thank you God!

The first few days in Stockholm, wasn't like I pictured them to be. Jonathan knew everyone and everyone knew him. I felt alone, and missplaced. They were all very nice so it had nothing to do with that. I guess I just was a bit jealouse, and I still have a hard time seeing people cling to Jonathan. Sometimes I just want to scream, like let him go he's mine. Ha ha! No but seriously sometimes it's real bad. Im working on it though. In the beginning of this week it kinda turned me a bit bitter. I think it turned around for real on friday, cause thursday night I laid in my bed and prayed that God would help me. That I could see what Jonathan saw in this place. And that if it was Gods plan for us to be there, that I would at least enjoy the last few days. I still don't know if this is for real the place God wants us to be in. But I feel a great deal of peace about it.

The weekend was great I had a lot of fun on the youth meeting friday night, it was quite powerful and the youths are really passionated for God. :)

Saturday morning I woke up with my tummy hurting and I went to the bathroom. As soon as I sat down on the toilet I started sweating a lot. It ran of me like it was raining inside. I was on the verge of passing out. During the day I threw up once and then I felt totally okay. I don't think it was the stomach flu though.
Sunday morning I went to the service. It was GREAT! The worship was so strong and powerful, a really good band. The preacher was really good to, I really needed to hear his message.
After the meeting we had lunch with Jonathans Nanny, or she was when he was little. She's a wonderful woman. :)

This week has been a real blessing for me. I've met so many wonderful people that I really like and love.

Thank you everyone for making the past week a really fun one! Hope to see you all very soon again. I will see a few of you at the wedding.

Love love love
Anna